Not even a ground, never mind a game!

Remember when I was AMTO? Well now I’m Man in a Hat.

But before I submit my Worcester report, I do remember leaving you with a question last time I posted as AMTO, namely - how many advantages of being bald can you name? So let’s clear that up first.

For the record, here is my top 10 - all off the top of head of course: money saved on shampoo & other hair products; money saved on haircuts; no stress re keeping up with the latest hair-styles; time saved re washing hair; time saved re getting haircuts; top hat always fits nicely; can grow beard to create interesting upside-down head effect; hair will never look ridiculous; will never look like a girl & finally, fewer people pestering you for sex.

How did you do?

less than 6 = just a bit thin on top - must do better

6 or more = good awareness of the advantages of being a slap-head

8 or more = clearly a keen student of all matters relating to the bald pate

10 or more = surely an expert in all matters regarding the noble hairless

Without further ado, let me attempt to delight you with the tale of my trip to Worcester. Couldn’t be worse than Guiseley - could it? 

My personal holy trinity is proper football (not the sort played on TV by millionaires), proper beer (not pasteurised keg rubbish) & proper exploring (planned well in advance).

Following County far & wide brings my holy trinity nicely together into a single focus - most of the time.  

The Worcester trip was planned well in advance. I’d stayed there once before when County played Hereford, having become rather bored with Hereford over the years.

Worcester is an excellent real ale destination in its own right, with no less than 7 entries in the Good Beer Guide just for starters, so I’d decided I’d better get down there Thursday & stay 3 nights in order to make sure I didn’t miss anything.

The Horn & Trumpet.

A very pleasant trip down Thursday, followed by exploring the various exotic hostelries in Worcester, such as the Dragon Inn, Firefly, the Horn & Trumpet, the Swan With Two Nicks & of course the Old Rectifying House.

As you’d expect this exploration extended into Friday evening, which is when everything started to unravel.

I wasn’t that concerned that I hadn’t encountered the Blue Army on Thursday, as there are few who have as much time on their hands as I. However, it is usual to encounter others the night before the game, particularly somewhere like Worcester, which is also a female-friendly destination (don’t make me explain).

The Swan with 2 Nicks.

What was even stranger though, was that some of the locals had been winding me up about Worcester not actually playing in Worcester. I initially dismissed this as highly unlikely, but after the fourth occasion I became suspicious, & vowed to find out the truth the following morning.

Damn & blast it! Worcester do play in Kidderminster - the scene of County’s darkest hour. Throw them out of the league I say! Both of them!

Never mind, the breakfast was excellent. I’d also discovered that Worcester fans get cut price train travel to Kidderminster, so I could travel with them & have some banter on the way & all that. In addition, the club bar at Kidderminster is rather good & I’d not managed to try it out that dark day back in April.

The Old Rectifying House.

So, the train it is. Where is the Dragon Army? Surely we’ll outnumber them significantly today if the best they can muster is a couple of pensioners & one teenage mother with nipper in tow? Well, I suppose it must be a protest about not being allowed to play in Worcester?

Get off the train & feel well pleased with myself as I remember the little short-cut to the ground from last year. But, where is everyone?

ARG!!! The game is off!!! I throw my Top Hat to the ground in absolute uncontrolled fury, stamping it aggressively into the mud as I vigorously jump up & down on it.   

It’s like the scene from Trains, Planes & Automobiles when he finds the rental car he’d booked wasn’t in its allotted place on the car park.

Off to the Olde Seven Stars to drown my sorrows, which is where I am right now, munching on my third pork pie.

The Old Seven Stars, Kidderminster.

I’m never staying over anywhere following County ever again. It’s over for me. First Guiseley & now this!

Oh, actually, thinking about it, I have a nice weekend in Gloucester lined up, so let’s see how that goes.

As for Worcester, I really should have booked on the Fingerpost & tuned into Pure FM to check the game was on before setting out.

Let it be known that these views are my own, and do not necessarily reflect the collective views of Help the Hatters.

Man in a Hat


Editors Note:

Full marks to M I A H for eventually sussing out the actual theoretical venue for today`s none game albeit with help from the locals.Next time however blog hack Nigel Farago will accompany him just to ensure he makes it to the correct destination.